i watched my friends buy houses while i can't even buy lunch without checking my bank account. everyone's posting photos of their fancy new cars, and i'm still making rice and beans like it's college. it's all fine, right? just me... not even close to thirty yet and feeling like a total... i don't know, a failure? like v. j. edgecombe trying to fit in on a team that's winning while i'm just trying...
last night, I sat in my living room, wrapped in a blanket like it could somehow erase the loneliness. my phone lit up with their new photos, smiling next to someone else. they needed space, but I can't help but feel more like a ghost in my own life, surrounded by a sea of contacts. hundreds of acquaintances but nobody to call when the silence gets too loud, which reminds me… I should probably stop...
honestly, the most stressful part of my month isn’t the rent due date. it’s waiting for my paycheck to hit while I scavenge my couch for coins to afford the five-dollar frozen pizza I swear is a gourmet meal at this point. literally, I can convince myself that I’m just “being frugal” while silently calculating how many cans of beans will get me through until payday, all while my friends rave about their latest impulse buys and I nod along, hiding my debit card in a drawer like a shameful secret.
honestly, the most stressful part of my month isn’t the rent due date. it’s waiting for my paycheck to hit while I scavenge my couch for coins to afford the five-dollar frozen pizza I swear is a gourmet meal at this point. literally, I can convince myself that I’m just “being frugal” while silently calculating how many cans of beans will get me through until payday, all while my friends rave about their latest impulse buys and I nod along, hiding my debit card in a drawer like a shameful secret.
it's not that I’m jealous or anything... it’s just that I opened Instagram and saw my batchmate getting their second car while I literally just booked a ride on the bus again. I thought, maybe someday I’ll wake up to find my own personal Shavkat Rakhmonov story – you know, overcoming the odds and all that. but then I remember, life is more like tripping over my shoelaces and wishing for a miracle....