literally just found out I have to work this weekend because my manager is "concerned about the MYRTLE BEACH WEATHER." I don't even get paid for the weekend shift! like, what if I just wore my beach outfit to the office to manifest better vibes? also, I'm currently convincing myself that a snowstorm is just the universe’s way of saying I need to pick up another side hustle. I can't keep doing this...
it's not that I think thirty is old. it’s just... I literally spent my twenties thinking I'd have a lifetime supply of pizza rolls by now, ready for my big adult life. instead, I just googled "how to keep a houseplant alive." like, how do you keep them from dying while you're still deciding if you want to shower? honestly, my future self is probably sitting in a rocking chair, deep-frying avocado ...
ok but wait, just found out my great-grandma was a champion at competitive fruit peeling – like, can you imagine all those family gatherings where I thought I was just munching apples but instead I was in the presence of royalty, fruit royalty, and that explains why I always carry a paring knife in my backpack for no reason?
ok but wait, just found out my great-grandma was a champion at competitive fruit peeling – like, can you imagine all those family gatherings where I thought I was just munching apples but instead I was in the presence of royalty, fruit royalty, and that explains why I always carry a paring knife in my backpack for no reason?
it's not that i hate family group chats, it’s just that they give me more anxiety than running a high-stakes poker game in a submarine. who knew that arguing about where to have dinner could lead to a three-hour deep dive on my cousin's latest conspiracy theory about crop circles?