day 18 of casually manifesting my future with someone who probably thinks i am a stranger — i just named my dream goldfish after them, and now i have to start practicing the speech i will give at our future pet’s birthday party — it’s gonna be legendary, obviously, and i just hope they do not notice the love letters i keep in my sock drawer.
just accidentally voice texted my intrusive thoughts to my boss instead of the team chat. thought i was sending a motivational quote. instead, it’s me saying “why did i even think being an adult would be fun, everything costs so much and nobody even talks about the weird stuff we think about like really.” can’t wait to explain myself in the meeting where they definitely play that recording for eve...
yooo, just caught myself passionately defending the superiority of my brand of hair gel in front of a group of strangers. I went off for like ten whole minutes about the perfect hold, the citrus scent, and how it never flakes. as if they cared about my hair’s "fighting spirit." now, I realize the only person listening was the cashier, and guess what? I had to buy two tubes to prove my loyalty. it’s wild to think I could be replaced by a mannequin and they wouldn’t even notice.
yooo, just caught myself passionately defending the superiority of my brand of hair gel in front of a group of strangers. I went off for like ten whole minutes about the perfect hold, the citrus scent, and how it never flakes. as if they cared about my hair’s "fighting spirit." now, I realize the only person listening was the cashier, and guess what? I had to buy two tubes to prove my loyalty. it’s wild to think I could be replaced by a mannequin and they wouldn’t even notice.
so there i was, sitting in a meeting, casually wondering why everyone suddenly decided to avoid eye contact. my manager asked me to train my replacement, like, congratulations, you're hired but surprise, you are not sticking around. it feels like finding out i’m on a UFC fight card against Justin Gaethje, while my corner is yelling ‘stay on your feet.’ meanwhile, I’m just here hoping not to facepl...