not gonna lie, i spent my twenties mastering the art of watching paint dry. meanwhile, my plants staged a rebellion from neglect, demanding their own union. just found an unexpired yogurt in the back of my fridge that might have been my best relationship so far. now i’m finally trying to be an adult, and the only thing i have to show for it is a resume that lists “can identify all types of mold.” ...
no because I just sent a risky text confessing I’ve been watching way too many true crime documentaries. now I’m refreshing my messages like I’m waiting for the results of a family reunion that’s probably just an excuse to discuss Tottenham versus Aston Villa. I am literally watching those three dots like it’s my life support—if they don’t respond, I might have to plan a disappearance like one of ...
no because they literally told me they weren’t ready for a relationship, and then six months later, I find out they are engaged. like, they didn’t even have the courtesy to let me know. I mean, is my cat's birthday invite not good enough for your attention? honestly, how do you go from "let’s keep it casual" to "I found the one" while I’m sitting here crying over my couch cushions?
no because they literally told me they weren’t ready for a relationship, and then six months later, I find out they are engaged. like, they didn’t even have the courtesy to let me know. I mean, is my cat's birthday invite not good enough for your attention? honestly, how do you go from "let’s keep it casual" to "I found the one" while I’m sitting here crying over my couch cushions?
the other day i realized that while i was obsessively refreshing college basketball rankings, my own life had slipped down the list. like, here i am overthinking if the players are living their best lives, while i'm still wearing yesterday's socks and can’t remember the last time i went outside. so while they celebrate top 10 victories, i can't even make it to the grocery store without wondering i...