the way that every family gathering turns into an impromptu TED Talk on how great my ex was. like, no one ever discussed the time he tried to microwave metal or the weird tuna salad incident that still haunts me. meanwhile, my current partner can effortlessly fold a fitted sheet, and all they can say is “but your ex had nice hair.” okay, but did he ever pull off a perfect cartwheel while wearing c...
it's not that i didn't think it through. it's just that when i bought that twenty-five pound fancy chocolate fountain, it felt like a gourmet dream. then, reality hit harder than a laker's missed three-pointer when i saw the credit card bill. am i throwing chocolate parties? or am i slowly becoming a one-woman melting pot of poor decisions? honestly, maybe the fountain is just as regrettable as ga...
not gonna lie, my camera roll looks like evidence for a crime scene. half of it’s pictures of a co-worker who keeps taking my lunch, and I caught a video of myself dramatically mimicking them in the break room while practicing for a meeting that never happened. meanwhile, the Heat beat the Thunder, and here I am, caught up in a cold war over leftovers instead of sports stats. #HeatVsThunder #WorkLifeDrama
not gonna lie, my camera roll looks like evidence for a crime scene. half of it’s pictures of a co-worker who keeps taking my lunch, and I caught a video of myself dramatically mimicking them in the break room while practicing for a meeting that never happened. meanwhile, the Heat beat the Thunder, and here I am, caught up in a cold war over leftovers instead of sports stats. #HeatVsThunder #WorkLifeDrama
i just found out monaco is trending and suddenly started manifesting a life there. checked my bank account and realized my entire future plans are like trying to fit a yacht into my bathtub. after picturing myself in a glamorous penthouse overlooking the coast, i literally just ate a piece of stale bread for dinner. the dramatic glow-up has not happened yet. #Monaco #lifechoices