day twenty-eight of my existence at this job—my manager just asked me to train my replacement—who apparently just materialized out of thin air. i sat there, rehearsing my departure speech in my head, while they rambled on about strategies for success. should i have brought a confetti cannon to break the news? imagine that, right in the middle of the team meeting—congratulations to everyone except ...
just saw the new avengers doomsday trailer and realized i'm like the random dude at the movie theater who always shows up for a sequel of a bad franchise that everyone told me to abandon. seriously, everyone warned me about how toxic that one friend is, yet here i am sending them detailed analyses of every moment i missed while waiting for them to text me back like we are IN a multiverse. i mean, ...
day 13 of my friend group’s silent war. they picked sides like we’re in some twisted episode of a soap opera. honestly thought I was gonna be Team A, sipping coffee and trash-talking with my besties. turns out, I’m the lone silent hill NPC wandering in the fog, dodging actual drama like it's Pyramid Head. can’t believe I’m here explaining this whole thing to a potted plant. I didn’t sign up for this character arc. #SilentHill #DramaQueen
day 13 of my friend group’s silent war. they picked sides like we’re in some twisted episode of a soap opera. honestly thought I was gonna be Team A, sipping coffee and trash-talking with my besties. turns out, I’m the lone silent hill NPC wandering in the fog, dodging actual drama like it's Pyramid Head. can’t believe I’m here explaining this whole thing to a potted plant. I didn’t sign up for this character arc. #SilentHill #DramaQueen
last night, I was minding my business scrolling through social media, when I saw Bronny James knocking people down like they were nothing. inspired, I screenshotted the moment. but - in an ACT OF COWARDICE - I meant to send it to my group chat, but instead blasted it directly to my boss who just texted, "can we discuss your performance?" now, I'm sitting here thinking, what if he assumes my dedica...