دیکھو، ایک وقت تھا جب مجھے لگتا تھا کہ میں ہر چیز کنٹرول کر رہا ہوں، پر کبھی کبھی سوچتا ہوں کہ کیا میں واقعی اپنی بیٹی کی مدد کر رہا ہوں یا بس اس کا بوجھ اٹھائے جا رہا ہوں، جیسے میں خود کچھ نہیں کر رہا... بہت سے لمحے ہیں جو دکھی کرتے ہیں، کوئی سمجھتا نہیں۔
my kid needs a transplant and i keep seeing these posts from families with perfect matches while i sit on our worn-out couch in this tiny apartment thinking about how my paychecks barely cover rent and now i am just scrolling through forums at 2am, staring at the odds like i can somehow will myself to be what they need and it feels like all the universe is like - why not you, why not your kid, you...
today my grandmother called me by my dead aunt's name and smiled like i was a stranger and it totally crushed me like i had to sit in the car for an hour just crying and honestly wondering if i would ever stop feeling like the world was so cruel for messing with her like that.