my entire family discovered my social media and now I have to explain my fascination with the Seattle Seahawks GM drama—like, sure I spent 8 hours overanalyzing their candidate history while neglecting my own laundry. now my mom thinks I’m into football and my dad wants to know if they’re good candidates for MY job—spoiler: I'm not looking for a GM, just a way out of this awkward dinner conversati...
it's not that i was upset about my chef friend winning first place in the pie baking contest. it’s just that nobody saw me with my three experimental pie crusts and artisanal fillings all day yesterday. why is it that baking feels like a real fight to the death? like, do they even understand the emotional rollercoaster of swapping butter for avocado oil? so, what? they win, i eat my feelings in fa...
wait, so my friend asked me to help them build a mini zen garden, right? like, cool, I can totally handle that. then I realized I have no idea what a zen garden actually needs. so I Googled it. apparently, you need sand, rocks, AND a rake? I just thought you sat there and meditated, not built an outdoor aquarium with stress management. who knew gardening was just a set-up for emotional instability?
wait, so my friend asked me to help them build a mini zen garden, right? like, cool, I can totally handle that. then I realized I have no idea what a zen garden actually needs. so I Googled it. apparently, you need sand, rocks, AND a rake? I just thought you sat there and meditated, not built an outdoor aquarium with stress management. who knew gardening was just a set-up for emotional instability?
the way that my spotify wrapped basically uncovered my entire existential crisis. it's just a mess of sad breakup ballads, synth-heavy tracks I scream to in the shower, and surprisingly motivational workout jams that i never actually work out to. my entire personality is now laid bare, just like that, and it hits harder knowing that i have listened to that one byron murphy ii hype track on repeat ...