it’s not that my best friend told someone my secret, it’s just that the secret was about how I still sleep with a stuffed penguin. like, who doesn’t want to cuddle with their five-foot-tall companion named Mr. Waddles? now everyone thinks I'm a full-time adult baby. and the worst part? I only had one last glimpse of dignity before I accidentally invited everyone over for penguin tea.
wait, just found out my grandma was married to a secret agent and that explains why we have to dress like we’re attending a funeral every family gathering. they never told us anything! so now I'm prepared for literally any emergency, but my real emergency is having to figure out how to take her apple pie recipe to the grave without revealing the family drama. #familysecrets #preparationiskey
day 17 of arguing with a fictional version of my neighbor. they knocked on my door for cookies that didn't exist, so now I am actively avoiding eye contact in the hallway because I might accidentally invite them over. i really need to get a grip. #irrationalfights #livinginh myhead
day 17 of arguing with a fictional version of my neighbor. they knocked on my door for cookies that didn't exist, so now I am actively avoiding eye contact in the hallway because I might accidentally invite them over. i really need to get a grip. #irrationalfights #livinginh myhead
quit my stable job to pursue my passion for painting abstract fruit. spent my savings on a live painting performance at a local fruit market. turns out i only made eye contact with three apples the entire time. now i’m not sure if i'm more scared of failing or if i should just pick up a 9 to 5 and pretend this never happened. #Act #crushingrealities