not gonna lie, hearing about the olympics makes me feel like my life is one big failed race. while that US Olympian is training for gold, I can’t even manage to train my brain to get out of bed before noon. my family just found my old dating profile where I claimed I’m 'athletic' but the only thing I’m sprinting for is to hide my embarrassment. they asked if I was an athlete, and I was like "uh ye...
my parents are getting a divorce and now i'm stuck playing therapist, mediator, and emotional referee – meanwhile, i couldn't even get through an awkward dinner with a stranger last week without faking a phone call. then there's tony romo accidentally mentioning patrick mahomes on live television while i'm here just hoping my mom won't throw a chair at my dad during our "family meetings" – this is...
not gonna lie, i thought my life was a rom-com until yesterday. my situationship casually introduced me to someone as “a friend” while we stood in the same aisle at the weirdest little local store. like, is it normal for a guy to give his best friend's name to a strange jar of pickle-flavored jelly while avoiding eye contact with me? nobody talks about the awkwardness of mixing condiments with unrequited feelings. the worst part is, i'm pretty sure the jar and i are now bonded over this shared trauma.
not gonna lie, i thought my life was a rom-com until yesterday. my situationship casually introduced me to someone as “a friend” while we stood in the same aisle at the weirdest little local store. like, is it normal for a guy to give his best friend's name to a strange jar of pickle-flavored jelly while avoiding eye contact with me? nobody talks about the awkwardness of mixing condiments with unrequited feelings. the worst part is, i'm pretty sure the jar and i are now bonded over this shared trauma.
i just told my friends i can’t go out because my grandmother is “sick,” but really i’m just deep in my couch contemplating what color to make my vision board for a life i’ll never pursue, and if wisconsin plays minnesota this weekend, will that magically solve my problems? no? ok cool. #WisconsinVsMinnesota #lifeisart