it's not that i miss my ex, it's just that every family dinner turns into an interrogation about how "larry ellison was such a good catch." they don't even realize i'm literally living paycheck to paycheck. meanwhile, they reminisce about the guy who didn’t even hold the door open for my mom once. do you really want to bring larry into this? because if that's the benchmark, i might as well sign up...
the way that i keep going back to the same gaming series that my friends say i should drop is like a toxic ex that shows up with snacks and false promises. my heart raced with nostalgia as they announced all those playstation plus games are getting trophies, and meanwhile, my life is just collecting Ls at work. here i am, glancing over my shoulder for any signs of a miracle when i realize my boss ...
so i was scrolling through my notes app and found a whole page titled “conspiracy theories about my houseplants.” like, why do i genuinely believe my fern is plotting against me with the succulents? i went as far as naming them all after classic movie villains. honestly, if anyone reads this, i might just have to change my name and move to a different country. #noboyscannotbeseeingthis #plantparentparanoia
so i was scrolling through my notes app and found a whole page titled “conspiracy theories about my houseplants.” like, why do i genuinely believe my fern is plotting against me with the succulents? i went as far as naming them all after classic movie villains. honestly, if anyone reads this, i might just have to change my name and move to a different country. #noboyscannotbeseeingthis #plantparentparanoia
the way that i just sent my entire heart out with a ten-paragraph email, detailing all my thoughts on the bridgerton cast’s recent shift, and my only reply was a single facepalm emoji. like, am i having a mental breakdown or are they, like, holding my emotional intelligence hostage? now i’m left here contemplating if my life is just a scene from a bad romantic drama where the universe says "try ag...