wait—so I'm doing this whole new year’s fitness challenge—like, pretending I'm one with kale—when I find out my family has been hoarding a secret stash of candy bars under the floorboards for years! the twist? apparently it explains my genetic aversion to salads—turns out my mom was once a competitive junk food eater! now I'm stuck with this moral dilemma: do I choose family loyalty or crush my 20...
no because i just wrote a text to my ex about how like, if a Chili's can survive the apocalypse of fast food, so can we. like, where's our guac and margarita moment, right? i was literally typing it and halfway through realized my fingers were hotter than my burning desire for closure. so i just closed my phone... but then i heard a notification. was it him or just my order update from Chili's? #C...
wait, so my coworker said we’d all take turns working weekends to help out, and now here I am—VOLUNTOLD to clock in while they're posting about the hawks vs timberwolves game on social media—ngl I’m side-eyeing their commitment to the game while I’m missing my second Saturday this month. I can't even afford popcorn for a snack while they’re cashing in on all the sports drama. like, why’s the loyalty with the ballers, not the cubicle dwellers? #HawksVsTimberwolves #lifeisruiningmysaturdays
wait, so my coworker said we’d all take turns working weekends to help out, and now here I am—VOLUNTOLD to clock in while they're posting about the hawks vs timberwolves game on social media—ngl I’m side-eyeing their commitment to the game while I’m missing my second Saturday this month. I can't even afford popcorn for a snack while they’re cashing in on all the sports drama. like, why’s the loyalty with the ballers, not the cubicle dwellers? #HawksVsTimberwolves #lifeisruiningmysaturdays
it's 2am and my best friend literally just confessed to spilling my biggest secret to Igor Chernyshov. why? because they thought sharing my secret about how I still wear socks with holes in them was "like, a fun icebreaker." so now, instead of dealing with my sock trauma alone, I’m branded the "socks with secrets" girl in my friend group. honestly, I was just trying to be a hermit. now I’m worried...