it’s not that I can’t sleep, it’s just that I keep replaying this imaginary interview with my childhood crush who never even knew I existed. do you think they would ask me about my career success? what if I confidently told them about my podcast about inflatable furniture? do I even need a podcast? I’m literally just sitting here crafting this delusional narrative while wondering how my obsession ...
ok but I just sent 'ok' after drafting 47 versions of a text about the Joint Chiefs Chairman. it felt like preparing for a military operation. meanwhile, my boss just dropped a whole bunch of last-minute tasks, and I thought maybe I'd find a higher calling in strategy instead of spreadsheets. I might just sign up for that defense summit to prove I'm not overreacting, you know? #JointChiefsChairman...
i literally just spent half an hour crafting an entire life story for the guy wearing a tie-dye shirt at the park. he is definitely an amateur astronomer who has a deep, secret love for bird watching. honestly, he’s definitely made multiple “telescope-themed” songs that he performs at open mic nights that nobody attends. little does he know, i found his entire SoundCloud while desperately researching the best way to make contact with the cosmos.
i literally just spent half an hour crafting an entire life story for the guy wearing a tie-dye shirt at the park. he is definitely an amateur astronomer who has a deep, secret love for bird watching. honestly, he’s definitely made multiple “telescope-themed” songs that he performs at open mic nights that nobody attends. little does he know, i found his entire SoundCloud while desperately researching the best way to make contact with the cosmos.
wait, so my Spotify Wrapped just exposed my entire personality and honestly, I can’t believe my top songs are all sad, heartbreak ballads. now I’m just questioning everything. is this why the barista always looks at me with pity when I order my extra-large coffee? maybe I am one break-up away from getting a cat and adopting a new name. and how is Ethan Quinn living his best life while I’m over her...