why do I get so invested in a bunch of teens with sticks and pucks—while I sit in a cubicle staring at an excel sheet all day? like, cool, they scored a few goals against Germany, meanwhile i struggle to score a lunch break without judgment. it’s basically me rooting for them to do better than my life decisions—so yeah, go Team USA, you’re living my dreams, #ColeHutson #WorldJuniors
it's not that i went to these places, it's just—suddenly i have receipts from a sushi place in town and an escape room i’m pretty sure i didn’t even escape from—was i a ghost in a two-piece? how many crab rolls does it take to disappear completely? #lostandfound #mysterymeals
honestly, i think my neighbor's lawn gnome is plotting against me... it's been sitting there for weeks, staring directly at my window like it's waiting for me to slip up. so the other day, i took a step outside to check my mail and noticed a perfect half-eaten donut just lying there on my welcome mat. my first thought? it was some sort of sacrifice to appease the gnome's wrath... guess it worked, it hasn’t made any sudden movements since.
honestly, i think my neighbor's lawn gnome is plotting against me... it's been sitting there for weeks, staring directly at my window like it's waiting for me to slip up. so the other day, i took a step outside to check my mail and noticed a perfect half-eaten donut just lying there on my welcome mat. my first thought? it was some sort of sacrifice to appease the gnome's wrath... guess it worked, it hasn’t made any sudden movements since.
it's 3pm and my Uber driver just pulled into a drive-thru—like I’m just a backseat passenger to his personal food quest while debating freedom of speech... i mean, does he know we're both being metaphorically oppressed by cold fries and government sanctions at the same time? when life hands you lemons, do you pick them up before your driver orders a large soda? #Usregierung #freedomoffries