it's not that I think about how my life would be different if I had chosen to become a professional mime instead of whatever I’m doing now. it's just that literally every time I pass a street performer, I envision a version of me trapped in an invisible box of success, while I'm just over here, honestly narrating my life as if it's an unfunny sitcom. #whatif #unexpectedcareer
so I was on the couch, right? and I thought I could text them back. like, you know, just tell them I am in my “butterfly pajamas” binge-watching the great slug race from last year's nature doc. but then—suddenly, it hit me. trying to explain my life feels like trying to teach a goldfish how to fly, and honestly, the goldfish probably gets it better than I do. now they probably think I’m an underco...
it's not that i care about my toxic coworker being promoted — it's just that they now manage my email inbox like they're coaching a soccer team. every time they send a message, i feel like i need to call in a referee. they approach leadership with all the finesse of Maccabi Tel Aviv and Bologna clashing in a chaotic match. i'm convinced they still think we're in high school and the only thing we need to win is 'most annoying person in the room'— because trust me, they already have that title locked down. #MTelavivVsBologna #officewars
it's not that i care about my toxic coworker being promoted — it's just that they now manage my email inbox like they're coaching a soccer team. every time they send a message, i feel like i need to call in a referee. they approach leadership with all the finesse of Maccabi Tel Aviv and Bologna clashing in a chaotic match. i'm convinced they still think we're in high school and the only thing we need to win is 'most annoying person in the room'— because trust me, they already have that title locked down. #MTelavivVsBologna #officewars
have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, "wow, i am building my parents’ dream life, not mine" — all while practicing your acceptance speech for a life award you never asked for? it’s like i should be hitting a punchline but instead, i'm trying to fit into a mold that smells like burnt coffee and disappointment. if only i could trade in this "perfect future" for one wild night watching the ...