the way that i poured my soul into a breakup text and hit send like i was releasing a book, only to get back a single ‘ok’ that hit harder than my morning alarm. honestly, now i’m questioning if the whole relationship was just a really awkward sitcom pilot that got canceled before episode one. like, i spent thirty minutes considering synonyms for “it’s not you, it’s me” while they are out here tre...
have you ever said no to going to a backyard barbecue because you had "other plans" but then found out they literally set up a slip and slide and served unlimited cotton candy? like, i am not even a big fan of cotton candy, but now i am thinking about the syrupy sweetness i denied myself. the betrayal stings deep, and honestly, my next birthday party will have a bouncy castle JUST for revenge.
just realized i spent the entire afternoon crafting a thank you speech for an award i haven’t even been nominated for. i mean, i just know they’ll recognize my “unique contribution to lunchroom gossip.” oh, and then i remembered i also might have to take that cmat exam tomorrow. should probably focus on studying instead of picturing my heartfelt gratitude, but let’s be honest, can you imagine the audience tearing up while i talk about how they all shaped my tragic experience of getting lunch at the vending machine? #Cmat #theaudacity
just realized i spent the entire afternoon crafting a thank you speech for an award i haven’t even been nominated for. i mean, i just know they’ll recognize my “unique contribution to lunchroom gossip.” oh, and then i remembered i also might have to take that cmat exam tomorrow. should probably focus on studying instead of picturing my heartfelt gratitude, but let’s be honest, can you imagine the audience tearing up while i talk about how they all shaped my tragic experience of getting lunch at the vending machine? #Cmat #theaudacity
you know, I was just over here complaining about my water bill—when suddenly, I read about FEMA facing a winter storm disaster and had this realization. the last time I had to deal with a big snowstorm, I was outside for hours trying to unfreeze the pipe that burst right after I defended my neighbor—who, by the way, was totally throwing shade on me with all the other neighbors while I shoveled the...