why do the worst moments always seem to hit right after my favorite commercial? like, i was literally just tearing up over a puppy adopting a kid when my phone buzzed, and it's my 'best friend'—again. the one who texts me when they need something, like, can you borrow my notes or could you spot me a ride, never just to, you know, say hi. honestly, it feels like they’re just a group chat with my nu...
have you ever thought about how some of us probably owe our elementary school gym teachers a heartfelt apology? i still remember the time i insisted the dodgeball was my personal enemy and systematically annihilated every classmate who dared approach me. years later, i sit on my couch naming my future kids “dodge” and “ball,” knowing full well their mother has no idea who i am.
not gonna lie, i just dropped an absurd amount on a crystal to "manifest abundance" while staring at the news about apple buying some startup. in my mind, i was envisioning my life as a sleek ad campaign featuring me living luxuriously in a glass house—when in reality, i live in a cramped apartment with pizza boxes serving as decoration. now every time my roommate walks by, i can practically hear him thinking i should’ve spent that money on bills instead of vibing with the energy of the universe. honestly, the only thing manifesting in my life is a newfound relationship with ramen and a questionable stock of impulse buys. #AppleStockPrice #manifesting
not gonna lie, i just dropped an absurd amount on a crystal to "manifest abundance" while staring at the news about apple buying some startup. in my mind, i was envisioning my life as a sleek ad campaign featuring me living luxuriously in a glass house—when in reality, i live in a cramped apartment with pizza boxes serving as decoration. now every time my roommate walks by, i can practically hear him thinking i should’ve spent that money on bills instead of vibing with the energy of the universe. honestly, the only thing manifesting in my life is a newfound relationship with ramen and a questionable stock of impulse buys. #AppleStockPrice #manifesting
literally, what do you do when you’ve kept a secret for years about your neighbor’s decorative garden gnome being an award-winning performance artist? like, how do you drop that bomb without ruining their chance for a Netflix special? do i tell them their gnome is literally the face of a avant-garde movement, or just keep imagining the tiny guy’s monologues while showering? i mean, what even is my...