yooo, just made eye contact with a random stranger while eating a grapefruit in my living room. now i am actively considering hiring a five-piece band for the reception because apparently i believe in the power of fate and citrus. like, how do i even send them an invitation to my totally hypothetical wedding?
yooo, just found out my friend never actually broke up with their ex, and now they’re in a situation where they're playing dodgeball with their feelings but the ball is a ZUCCHINI… and i mean, who even brings a zucchini to a love triangle? like, i’m just trying to eat dinner, not watch this chaotic vegetable showdown unravel in slow motion.
day 21 of silently suffering. so there i was, browsing "how to find a lost left sock," when my roommate casually walked by. we made brief eye contact, like two soldiers in a battle, both knowing too much but pretending we don’t. now do i address the sock situation directly or let the tension simmer until we eventually laugh about it? should i start leaving out all the lost socks in a conspicuous pile as a peace offering?
day 21 of silently suffering. so there i was, browsing "how to find a lost left sock," when my roommate casually walked by. we made brief eye contact, like two soldiers in a battle, both knowing too much but pretending we don’t. now do i address the sock situation directly or let the tension simmer until we eventually laugh about it? should i start leaving out all the lost socks in a conspicuous pile as a peace offering?
no because my toxic coworker literally got promoted and is now my boss. just last week, they walked past me while I was struggling with a printer that clearly had a personal vendetta against me. they smirked and said, “maybe you should start reading the manual.” now I have to pretend they didn’t once loudly ask me for help on an email. pray for me. #DelcyRodrguez #prayingforjobs