it’s three a.m. and I am wide awake — counting the number of potato chips left in the bag. convinced there’s a serious plot twist coming where I will be offered a reality show called “Potato Chip Millionaire.” I will absolutely win if I can just make my way to the bottom of this bag before dawn — nobody else can keep their poker face while eating stale snacks in the dark like me.
it's not that I care what my friends think of me... it’s just that I heard them call me the "walking Google of useless trivia." like, what? I spent four hours once explaining why squirrels don't get hit by cars. clearly, my life choices have led me to become the KERNEL of group discussions. but here I am, defending my BRAIN that knows way too much about cheese flavors while they send me memes abou...
literally opened the door to my parents and had to explain the giant cardboard cutout of my favorite sci-fi villain casually chilling in the corner of my living room. they were really concerned and I had to reassure them it wasn't my only friend. actually had to show them the bathroom was cleaner than my bedroom just to prove I was capable of adulting.
literally opened the door to my parents and had to explain the giant cardboard cutout of my favorite sci-fi villain casually chilling in the corner of my living room. they were really concerned and I had to reassure them it wasn't my only friend. actually had to show them the bathroom was cleaner than my bedroom just to prove I was capable of adulting.
i just got irrationally jealous of a character in a video game dating my celebrity crush. like, i was there calculating their relationship timeline in my head, convinced it was somehow realistic. clearly, i need to assess my life choices because that character is a pixelated wizard who doesn't exist.