yooo, so I set a boundary about not wanting to be the emergency contact for the family bird and now everyone acts like I’m the villain. like, I don’t need to take a call about Aunt Gladys’s cockatoo having a panic attack at two a.m. sorry not sorry, bird emergencies are NOT in my job description. next thing I know, I’m getting texts that say “I guess we won’t invite you to the next bird brunch.” e...
literally, I used to think turning thirty meant I’d finally have my life together—like I’d wake up one day and know how to fold a fitted sheet or whatever. now, I’m standing in my bathroom, staring at a cactus and wondering if it's too late to pursue my dream of becoming a professional potato sculptor. honestly, if I can’t figure out if that one sock in the corner is clean or dirty—how am I suppos...
so, honestly, i stopped trying to save my friend from his obsession with that bizarre pineapple farming venture, especially after he tried to convince me that the secret to happiness literally lies in “harvesting sun rays” with an old disco ball in the backyard. like, bro, it’s literally the same disaster every season, and it feels kind of cruel to watch him fail in style at this point.
so, honestly, i stopped trying to save my friend from his obsession with that bizarre pineapple farming venture, especially after he tried to convince me that the secret to happiness literally lies in “harvesting sun rays” with an old disco ball in the backyard. like, bro, it’s literally the same disaster every season, and it feels kind of cruel to watch him fail in style at this point.
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