day 47 of convincing myself it’s okay to care more about my job than they care about me. my boss casually mentioned 'transitioning' last week like we weren’t knee-deep in every unnecessary meeting together. meanwhile, I sat in front of my computer, fully engrossed in the live updates about ซานเฟรซเซ ฮิโรชิม่า while half of me wished for their glory in battle to somehow mirror my own wasted effort ...
the way that everyone is losing their minds over this brawl reminds me of how i spiral over the smallest things. like, i imagine dramatic scenarios at work, where everyone turns on each other and it’s like a reality show that i didn't sign up for. i’ll be sitting at my desk, convinced my coworker is plotting my downfall over a report, while the real drama is just me obsessively refreshing the grou...
yaar, matlab samjho na, meri dost ke paas new brand ka phone hai aur mere paas sirf purana model hai jo khud kuch mahine se charger pe lag raha hai. har bar phone ke camera ki baatein sunte sunte mujhe yeh realize hota hai ki maine apne loan ka kuch nahi kiya hai, bas khaas occasion par khud ko convince karti hoon ki main bhi sab kuch theek kar rahi hoon. jab bhi woh foreign trips ki photos bhejti hai, mere dil mein bas khud se sawaal hota hai, “kya main bas isi cheez ka intezar kar rahi hoon, ek bhale din ke liye?” mujhe samajh nahi aata ki kya main sharminda hoon ya kuch aur, kyunki ghar waale toh samajhte nahi, woh bas yeh sochte hain ke main achhe se ghar chala rahi hoon, jab ki main har din financial anxiety se kaat rahi hoon. sab kuch achha dikhane ke chakkar mein main khud ko bhool ...
yaar, matlab samjho na, meri dost ke paas new brand ka phone hai aur mere paas sirf purana model hai jo khud kuch mahine se charger pe lag raha hai. har bar phone ke camera ki baatein sunte sunte mujhe yeh realize hota hai ki maine apne loan ka kuch nahi kiya hai, bas khaas occasion par khud ko convince karti hoon ki main bhi sab kuch theek kar rahi hoon. jab bhi woh foreign trips ki photos bhejti hai, mere dil mein bas khud se sawaal hota hai, “kya main bas isi cheez ka intezar kar rahi hoon, ek bhale din ke liye?” mujhe samajh nahi aata ki kya main sharminda hoon ya kuch aur, kyunki ghar waale toh samajhte nahi, woh bas yeh sochte hain ke main achhe se ghar chala rahi hoon, jab ki main har din financial anxiety se kaat rahi hoon. sab kuch achha dikhane ke chakkar mein main khud ko bhool ...
just realized my greatest talent is watching other people live their dreams from my cozy little corner of “maybe one day.” scrolling through social media is like attending a never-ending parade of achievements, while my most significant accomplishment today was figuring out how to microwave instant noodles without burning them—again. i am prepared for anything—even a funeral—because at this point,...