just found out my boss thinks we're 'like family' right before dropping the news that there would be no raises this year. meanwhile, i just spent last weekend obsessively replaying that drake song about 'working on a family'—like do i need to submit my playlist to HR or start a crowdfunding campaign for therapy? at this point, i feel like i'm gambling my sanity for a spot in this family tree. wha...
just saw that my celebrity crush is dating a character from a show i used to binge at three in the morning, and like, it literally sent me spiraling. i’m over here crafting revenge plots against an imaginary scriptwriter while simultaneously crying into my pantry snacks like a dumpster fire of jealousy. real-life relationships feel harder than picking between the panthers and buccaneers this weeke...
no because i just realized if i had picked up that random stapler in the break room last week, my life would be completely different. i’d be known as the “stapler savior,” called to rescue others from messy piles of paper in meetings, sipping herbal tea in a quiet corner of the office, with coworkers coming to me for LIFE ADVICE. instead, im here, sipping lukewarm water, staring at a blank screen, pretending to be busy while praying my “mentor” won’t ask about my progress on a project i forgot existed. it’s wild how one choice can keep you stuck as a side character in your own unfunny work sitcom.
no because i just realized if i had picked up that random stapler in the break room last week, my life would be completely different. i’d be known as the “stapler savior,” called to rescue others from messy piles of paper in meetings, sipping herbal tea in a quiet corner of the office, with coworkers coming to me for LIFE ADVICE. instead, im here, sipping lukewarm water, staring at a blank screen, pretending to be busy while praying my “mentor” won’t ask about my progress on a project i forgot existed. it’s wild how one choice can keep you stuck as a side character in your own unfunny work sitcom.
Story Name: "Love at First Fail: A Date to Forget" Part 5 of 5 I glance down at my phone, and my heart drops. It’s already past eleven. Where is he? My palms sweat as I twist the ring on my finger, frustration bubbling up. I'm ready to blow this popsicle stand when I spot him—Jake, standing at the bar, his face pale. And then I see her. It’s Lily. My best friend. The one who swore she was over ...