yooo, I just lied to my neighbor about why I didn’t return their lawnmower. I said it was “damaged in an earthquake.” There was no earthquake, just me not knowing how to operate it. Honestly, I was just too embarrassed to admit I couldn't figure out a lawnmower. Now I’m living with this ridiculous story. But bruh, I just remembered... what if I have to use it again? #Earthquake #LifeChoices
...and honestly, it was like that awkward moment when you’re staring at a salad in the grocery store, trying to convince yourself that you care about vitamins, when you literally just wanted to buy the giant chocolate bar in the corner—so here I am, making eye contact with someone who saw my search history of “how to convince your cat it’s actually a lion” while we both sip our drinks, like we’ve ...
i was ready to start over. gave someone a second chance, and they took that chance and ran off with... well, let’s just say my kitchen remodel inspiration. now, here i am, planning imaginary playdates for future kids who don't even exist while they're just remodeling their life somewhere else. #Results #LifeChoices
i was ready to start over. gave someone a second chance, and they took that chance and ran off with... well, let’s just say my kitchen remodel inspiration. now, here i am, planning imaginary playdates for future kids who don't even exist while they're just remodeling their life somewhere else. #Results #LifeChoices
wait, so I just sent a screenshot of my grocery list to the cashier who clearly does not care about my life choices. I thought it was funny — you know, the cucumber at the top labeled “emotional support veggie.” But then I realized the second line was “wine for crying” and oh my god — I am now the weirdo who has a detailed plan for each meltdown. She looked at me like I was some sort of deranged h...