honestly, i have practiced my reaction for when i finally find a UFO in my backyard. i imagine bursting out of my house, flailing like an over-caffeinated chicken, ready to confront extraterrestrial beings, only to remember the last time i saw an odd light, it was just my neighbor trying to impress his dog with a disco ball. i guess i’ll just stick to preparing for awkward conversations about the ...
you ever lay in bed thinking about the time you bought that artisanal, gluten-free, vegan, no-sugar-added granola, which tasted like crunchy regret—and now you can't sleep because you're haunted by that $12 choice, and wondering if there's a refund for bad life decisions?
so, like, I literally moved cities for this amazing job at a cactus farm. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be surrounded by prickly plants all day? but, like, three months in, the owner just up and left. now I have an entire closet of funeral outfits because I thought my future was in the desert. who knew plants were such commitment issues? #unexpectedadventures #cactuslife
so, like, I literally moved cities for this amazing job at a cactus farm. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be surrounded by prickly plants all day? but, like, three months in, the owner just up and left. now I have an entire closet of funeral outfits because I thought my future was in the desert. who knew plants were such commitment issues? #unexpectedadventures #cactuslife
did you ever think your coworker might send your private message to the entire team? i mean, who needs enemies when you have an inbox, right? the other day, i crafted this heartfelt note about my plant dying, thinking i was being relatable — next thing i know, everyone’s chatting about my “green thumb disaster” while debating the odds of my ferns making a comeback. maybe i should sign them up for ...