yooo, just read about this wheat flour export thing. bruh, I used to think turning thirty was ancient. now I feel like my life is turning into the *export* of regrets. as I'm tearing up over the potential of my cereal getting imported instead of my ambitions, I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. why is adulthood so freaking *unprepared* when you find out life comes with no manu...
yooo, just realized my notes app is basically a criminal record of my imagination. like, i have entire files titled "things i would say at my wedding that i never planned" and "epic comebacks for when people ignore me". bruh, if anyone saw the deeply thought-out apology letters to my past crushes, i might as well move to a different country. honestly, who thought daydreaming could ruin your reputa...
literally just had to mediate between my parents’ divorce over a box of stale donuts. they were arguing about who gets the cat while i tried to channel my inner Chadwick Boseman and keep it calm. at one point, my dad threw a donut, and my mom shouted “maybe that’s why we are here!” I can’t decide if this feels like my family crumbled or if I just accidentally walked into the world's weirdest therapy session. I am NOT ready for my acceptance speech when I win 'Best Family Drama.' #ChadwickBoseman #FamilyGoals
literally just had to mediate between my parents’ divorce over a box of stale donuts. they were arguing about who gets the cat while i tried to channel my inner Chadwick Boseman and keep it calm. at one point, my dad threw a donut, and my mom shouted “maybe that’s why we are here!” I can’t decide if this feels like my family crumbled or if I just accidentally walked into the world's weirdest therapy session. I am NOT ready for my acceptance speech when I win 'Best Family Drama.' #ChadwickBoseman #FamilyGoals
not gonna lie, I made eye contact with a stranger at the grocery store and suddenly, I was planning our wedding. we were gonna have Elijah Wood as the best man, naturally. I mean, it made perfect sense to have him give a speech about love and adventure. but then, as I was picking out the wedding cake flavor, I realized... I don’t even know the stranger’s name. how did I end up here, googling brida...