it’s two in the afternoon and i just found out the person i defended with my whole heart to everyone was sitting in the corner of the cafe, absolutely RIPPING me apart to their new friend. they laughed about how my fashion sense is a “crime against humanity”. just last week, we matched our outfits for a whole day. i even told them i was an “influencer” in my own head. now look at me, a fashion cri...
the air quality in my city is literally the worst. it's so bad that even my plants have started whispering, “help us, we can't breathe either.” in this smoggy mess, my boss asked for a performance review, so i locked myself in the bathroom to rehearse compliments like an unhinged actress in a soap opera, only to find out half my coworkers already sent in their resignations via smoke signal. talk a...
i just typed out a two-page letter to the city council explaining why we absolutely need more colorful fire hydrants in my neighborhood. felt powerful, felt enlightened, felt like the next great urban poet. then i realized nobody asked, and also, who am i to disrupt the balance of mundane hydrants for artistic expression?
i just typed out a two-page letter to the city council explaining why we absolutely need more colorful fire hydrants in my neighborhood. felt powerful, felt enlightened, felt like the next great urban poet. then i realized nobody asked, and also, who am i to disrupt the balance of mundane hydrants for artistic expression?
i just made eye contact with a stranger at the laundromat and now i am literally planning our future together. i know their entire life story from a five-second glance at their laundry choice. it includes a great white shark themed wedding and a three-part documentary about how we met while folding socks.