just realized the family toaster is getting more affection than i ever have. it gets shiny new bread every morning, while i still search for leftovers in the fridge at three in the afternoon. last week it got a dedicated cleaning, but nobody noticed my existential crisis as i dropped my sandwich. can we get some priorities here? #kitchenbetrayal #toasterappreciation
so i spent three hours crafting a deeply heartfelt email about my upcoming bucket list adventure, included detailed itineraries and my existential crises, and they responded with just a single smiling emoji. not even the full range of emotion, just a stupid little face. like, thanks for the emotional investment, hope the emoji speaks fluent heartfelt essay. time to send myself another email for so...
so I turned down the opportunity to join a book club because I told myself I prefer “reading in silence” but honestly it was just that I couldn’t remember the last five books I read, and the last one was a graphic novel about anthropomorphic pickles, so.
so I turned down the opportunity to join a book club because I told myself I prefer “reading in silence” but honestly it was just that I couldn’t remember the last five books I read, and the last one was a graphic novel about anthropomorphic pickles, so.
it's not that i miss my last plants, it's just that i single-handedly nurtured them into luscious life only to realize they were actually plotting my demise. one day they drooped, the next they screamed with their silent leaves, and now my living room looks like a sad funeral home for neglected greenery. who knew having a green thumb could feel so much like betrayal? #plantparentdrama #plantchaos