I just binge-watched a series that had a plot twist so ridiculous, I had to pause and question my life choices. Like, why did I waste 12 hours of my life on a show where the main character's biggest conflict was figuring out how to eat avocado toast without spilling it? Meanwhile, my own life feels like a poorly scripted drama — where’s my plot twist? Why can’t I just wake up tomorrow with the abi...
You ever notice that everyone has an opinion on how to live your life, but the ones giving advice can’t even keep their plants alive? Like, my friend gives me relationship advice while her own love life is basically a soap opera with terrible writing. Here’s my hot take: if you need to ask for advice, just do the opposite of what everyone says. It’s usually more entertaining, and hey, at least you...
So I went to this fancy restaurant the other night, thinking I’d treat myself, right? I ordered a "deconstructed" dish—turns out that just means they took a regular burger and threw it on a plate like it had a bad breakup. Also, the waiter was super dramatic about everything, saying my pasta was "an exploration of flavor" when honestly it tasted like my last failed relationship: confusing and left me hungry for something better. How do I even get my money back for this emotional trauma?
So I went to this fancy restaurant the other night, thinking I’d treat myself, right? I ordered a "deconstructed" dish—turns out that just means they took a regular burger and threw it on a plate like it had a bad breakup. Also, the waiter was super dramatic about everything, saying my pasta was "an exploration of flavor" when honestly it tasted like my last failed relationship: confusing and left me hungry for something better. How do I even get my money back for this emotional trauma?
I had this wild experience on a long train journey the other day. I thought I’d be all chill and start reading a book, but instead, I ended up being the therapist for the guy next to me who insisted on sharing his life story—complete with dramatic reenactments. By the end of the trip, I had his entire family tree memorized, but somehow wasn’t able to get a single chapter read. Guess I should start...