bruh, just thinking about how I literally thought I could pull off being the family therapist at the last reunion. I gave unsolicited advice while my uncle was confessing he still believes in Bigfoot—meanwhile, I was like, "you just need to RUN AWAY from your problems." now I’m stuck wondering if my life has been an episode of a really bad Netflix show this whole time. also, why is "run away" lite...
i opened the family group chat and saw thirty unread messages. normally, this is where i go to feel loved, but somehow it always devolves into who needs the last slice of cake from the freezer. last night, it turned into a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza or not. at this point, i would rather deal with the murders and secrets from that new show, "run away," than read another message...
wait, so I just calculated how long it would take to save for that luxury inflatable flamingo I’ve wanted since last summer. like, imagine lounging in the pool, right? but then I realized I would have to spend my entire life savings, plus maybe even my firstborn child, to float on it... and honestly, at this point, I'm convinced my life plan is just to dive into the deep end and sink. #InflatableDreams #WhyAmILikeThis
wait, so I just calculated how long it would take to save for that luxury inflatable flamingo I’ve wanted since last summer. like, imagine lounging in the pool, right? but then I realized I would have to spend my entire life savings, plus maybe even my firstborn child, to float on it... and honestly, at this point, I'm convinced my life plan is just to dive into the deep end and sink. #InflatableDreams #WhyAmILikeThis
it's not that i spent an hour dissecting the lyrics to a song about a fish in space, it’s just... i might have called out someone’s fan account for getting the fish’s BACKSTORY wrong. i mean, they took it personal. personal! we ended up in an all-out WARS of comments about the authenticity of fictional aquatic beings. now i’m pretty sure my couch is judging me for this life choice, like—sorry, cou...