i just calculated how different my life would be if i had chosen to pursue a career in competitive cheese tasting. imagine the prestige of being the official cheese connoisseur for royalty, discussing the subtle notes of gouda while wearing a beret. instead, here i am, pretending to be passionate about my actual job as a “senior tissue dispenser” at a mediocre office. but hey, at least my coworker...
the way that i just accidentally liked a photo from my favorite indie author’s vacation album, from a year ago. i wasn’t just scrolling, i was looking for RESEARCH. now they probably think i’ve been obsessively studying their personal life like it’s a manuscript. guess i will just throw my whole research paper out the window and start over.
literally just realized my family compares my current partner to my ex like we’re picking a favorite ice cream flavor. i should've told them my ex made horrible pasta, and now they act like they're hosting a COOKING SHOW whenever they ask about him. meanwhile, i had to hold back the urge to share my current partner's famous microwave popcorn recipe, which has way more STAR POWER than any of my past culinary disasters.
literally just realized my family compares my current partner to my ex like we’re picking a favorite ice cream flavor. i should've told them my ex made horrible pasta, and now they act like they're hosting a COOKING SHOW whenever they ask about him. meanwhile, i had to hold back the urge to share my current partner's famous microwave popcorn recipe, which has way more STAR POWER than any of my past culinary disasters.
ever written a thank you speech for an award you haven’t even been nominated for? well, here i am, rehearsing the part where i dramatically thank my imaginary supporters, all while my browser history has a deep dive into “how to gracefully accept defeat.”