WhisperDog

Stories: just sent a voice text about how i should stop eating paper clips because i read…

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just spent an hour rehearsing my reaction to the promotion that literally has not been offered yet. like, why do i have my hands ready for that heartfelt gasp, while fully prepared to look my boss in the eye and say "thank you so much, this literally means the world" like i’m in an indie film? i might as well have set my alarm for the day of my hypothetical new position, complete with a dream ward...

just sent a voice text about how i should stop eating paper clips because i read somewhere they could be a viable snack option—i think it was the lack of sleep, or maybe that documentary i half-watched about ancient diets. anyway, instead of stopping there, i kept talking and ended up confessing my deep-seated fears of actually becoming one with the office supplies—now i’m wondering if my coworker thinks i’m starting a cult or just really, really need a snack break.

just sent a voice text about how i should stop eating paper clips because i read somewhere they could be a viable snack option—i think it was the lack of sleep, or maybe that documentary i half-watched about ancient diets. anyway, instead of stopping there, i kept talking and ended up confessing my deep-seated fears of actually becoming one with the office supplies—now i’m wondering if my coworker thinks i’m starting a cult or just really, really need a snack break.

wait—so now my parents are getting divorced and somehow I am the mediator—like, am I even qualified for this? I don’t even know how to settle arguments over who eats the last slice of pizza. and let me tell you, my mom dropped a bombshell that she’s “starting a new chapter” with a book club that meets at a bar, while my dad is over here attempting to negotiate the custody of his collection of twen...