it's not that i cant appreciate the hype around the royal rumble, it's just that i sent my best friend a screenshot of an idea for an epic wrestling match that totally flops in reality, and then realized i accidentally sent it to the dude who wants to *take* my job. now, he thinks i'm one of those corporate heroes while im just trying to make sure the coffee machine works without facing a royal ru...
honestly, i told my colleague i forgave them for spilling coffee on my report—turns out they were just saving a spot for a tearful confession about their cat's sad Instagram followers. like, who needs reading vs exeter city drama when i have THAT betrayal weighing me down? just another day trying to act cool while secretly judging everyone's priorities. #ReadingVsExeterCity #OfficeChaos
it's not that i don't like people, it's just i keep my plants closer than friends—at least they don't talk back when i forget to water them. #SocialDistancing #PlantLife
it's not that i don't like people, it's just i keep my plants closer than friends—at least they don't talk back when i forget to water them. #SocialDistancing #PlantLife
i have a whole folder in my camera roll titled "documentary evidence." why? because i once tried to chronicle my quest for the best snack combination ever. it includes photos of a mysterious purple gel I mixed with popcorn at two in the morning and my dog staring at me like he knows I'm about to destroy my life. who would’ve thought my late-night cravings would double as potential court exhibits? ...