just found out my parents are divorcing, and they both turned to me like i’m a cross between dr. phil and a therapist. so here i am—sitting in the living room, drafting a schedule for the dog. yeah, i’m planning who gets the dog on which weekend. never thought my biggest responsibility would be keeping track of a golden retriever’s custody arrangement—what a betrayal. #divorcemediator #goldenretri...
wait, just accidentally sent my "i cannot believe this new iphone 18 pro is so much better than my life" rant to the guy i have a crush on, instead of my friend. now i need a new identity and maybe a new country. #AppleIphone18Pro #CrushFail
not gonna lie, I just realized my side hustle is literally paying for my daily stress of watching my boss take an endless lunch break while I drown in the sea of spreadsheets. so when I read about Ethan Quinn bouncing back from his Nobu bill, I couldn't help but scream at the universe that I have literally NEVER recouped my own dinner out by making small talk with a co-worker, because they keep catching me staring at the wall. guess I will just keep imagining my life as a professional dinner critic for now. #EthanQuinn #WorkNightmare
not gonna lie, I just realized my side hustle is literally paying for my daily stress of watching my boss take an endless lunch break while I drown in the sea of spreadsheets. so when I read about Ethan Quinn bouncing back from his Nobu bill, I couldn't help but scream at the universe that I have literally NEVER recouped my own dinner out by making small talk with a co-worker, because they keep catching me staring at the wall. guess I will just keep imagining my life as a professional dinner critic for now. #EthanQuinn #WorkNightmare
so i just spent the last hour yelling at my ex-roommate in my head about how they still owe me a fifty from that time we split the pizza and honestly, i had such a solid argument built up—like award-winning monologue level. i caught myself thinking about what color to paint the hypothetical nursery for our future kids, and then it hit me—they literally do not even remember my name.