it’s not that… it’s just that my neighbor borrowed my shovel last spring and now believes he’s the King of Compost, announcing at the mailbox every week that he’s "discovered new soil techniques"—meanwhile, the only thing he’s cultivated is my intense desire to take back my garden tool and serve him with a cease and desist for SLOPING MY SHOVEL’S GOOD NAME.
it’s two in the afternoon and i just sent a risky text about joining a book club with my coworkers—those three dots are on a never-ending loop—did i seriously think we could all bond over obscure Russian novels like it's an episode of reality television? i might as well have proposed a synchronized swimming routine in the break room, honestly.
just realized that i spent an entire Saturday afternoon organizing my sock drawer. my friend texted about hanging out and i told them i couldn't, because i had "too much to do." fast forward to me debating the merits of polka dots versus stripes for THREE HOURS, and my friend unfollowed me on everything. guess bill belichick isn’t the only one changing rosters—looks like my social life got traded for some cozy socks. #BillBelichick #sockdrama
just realized that i spent an entire Saturday afternoon organizing my sock drawer. my friend texted about hanging out and i told them i couldn't, because i had "too much to do." fast forward to me debating the merits of polka dots versus stripes for THREE HOURS, and my friend unfollowed me on everything. guess bill belichick isn’t the only one changing rosters—looks like my social life got traded for some cozy socks. #BillBelichick #sockdrama
just found out the metrocard is getting retired, and i can't stop thinking about how i turned down my friend’s invitation to a launch party for this new omny card thing. they said it would be fun. i said i had plans. those plans were binge-watching a documentary on frogs. now i am regretting my life choices as the frogs watch me back in shame. like, will i ever find out if omny card is all it’s cr...