just saw dan orlovsky defending josh allen like a mom at a kindergarten play and it reminded me how i turned down a job because i thought my great idea was gonna blossom into something amazing instead of sitting on my couch, binge-watching reruns of a show no one remembers— now i'm just lowkey watching my friend succeed in that same role, like they are living my fantasy while i’m still unpacking t...
last night, I literally found myself scrolling through their social media like I was searching for clues in a mystery novel. turns out, I spent thirty minutes trying to decipher if they were at a bowling alley or some obscure art exhibit. like, who even knows they have an affinity for bowling shoes...
bruh, just got voluntold to manage the snack table for a corporate event, and now I’m spiraling because I don’t even know how to open a bag of chips without sending half the contents flying everywhere. like, what if someone sees me, and I accidentally start a RAMPAGE of crushed Doritos everywhere while making awkward small talk with the one coworker I haven’t seen since they accidentally set off the fire alarm. I can already feel the horror of three different awkward eye contacts as they ask me if I’m okay while I just... um... disintegrate into snack debris.
bruh, just got voluntold to manage the snack table for a corporate event, and now I’m spiraling because I don’t even know how to open a bag of chips without sending half the contents flying everywhere. like, what if someone sees me, and I accidentally start a RAMPAGE of crushed Doritos everywhere while making awkward small talk with the one coworker I haven’t seen since they accidentally set off the fire alarm. I can already feel the horror of three different awkward eye contacts as they ask me if I’m okay while I just... um... disintegrate into snack debris.
the way that i just found out i have to write a formal apology letter to my landlord because i complained about the weird mold shapes in my apartment being “kind of artistic” and now he thinks i want to become an interior designer. like, am i even qualified to give aesthetic advice to a grown man? he is clearly going to want to discuss a portfolio or something and honestly, how did we even get her...