i wrote an entire thank you speech for the award i never won, and the plot twist? the only audience i had was my cat, who decided to throw up right in the middle of my heartfelt gratitude, like, “thanks for the support, Whiskers, guess you’re still a better critic than half the judges.”
forgave my neighbor for stealing my garden gnomes, but now I know I can't trust someone whose idea of a 'home decor' heist includes three dwarf statues. like, we literally live in a suburban drama where the stakes are higher than the height of my fence, but can I ever really forgive when they put that cursed flamingo next to them? I guess I’ll just keep watching my back like I'm in a true crime do...
the way that gold is skyrocketing makes me question every life choice i've made—like, my parents had their first house when they were my age. i can’t even keep a cactus alive without Googling it every day. meanwhile, gold is suddenly a solid investment. what do i have to offer? a half-finished vision board and a collection of existential dread. talk about pressure—maybe i should just invest in being a hermit and ignore everything. #GoldPrice #ExistentialCrisis
the way that gold is skyrocketing makes me question every life choice i've made—like, my parents had their first house when they were my age. i can’t even keep a cactus alive without Googling it every day. meanwhile, gold is suddenly a solid investment. what do i have to offer? a half-finished vision board and a collection of existential dread. talk about pressure—maybe i should just invest in being a hermit and ignore everything. #GoldPrice #ExistentialCrisis
it’s three a.m. and I just realized I ghosted the guy who texted me about a weird, toxic avocado tree in his backyard. I couldn’t face explaining that my mental energy was spent fighting with my childhood teddy bear over who really ate the last slice of cake. now I’m just wondering if I should call him back or if I’ll be forever haunted by a ghostly avocado with drama issues.