bruh, my side hustle making birthday cakes for my aunt's cat has started paying for all my expenses, while my family is over here throwing auto accident lawyer ads around like confetti during Sunday dinner, and honestly, i almost ended up paying for my own therapist after the last one decided it was an 'auto-mend your cat relationship' moment, never heard that before. #AutoAccidentLawyer #Birthday...
bruh, just heard about the nba trade deadline. you’d think it doesn’t affect my life at all, right? wrong. spent an hour drafting texts to my imaginary team manager, passionately outlining why they should trade ME for some mythical NBA superstar. got all hyped up, rehearsed a speech about how I can pivot under pressure and ended up sending "ok." so now im just here, untraded and sipping instant no...
not gonna lie, I literally spent the last five years supporting a company like it was my soulmate. and then I overheard the new intern say, “they are looking to replace everyone in a week.” like, are we serious? so here I am, planning the send-off party nobody asked for, while they casually update their LinkedIn to post “new opportunities.” hashtag loyal until the end, hashtag awkward farewell party.
not gonna lie, I literally spent the last five years supporting a company like it was my soulmate. and then I overheard the new intern say, “they are looking to replace everyone in a week.” like, are we serious? so here I am, planning the send-off party nobody asked for, while they casually update their LinkedIn to post “new opportunities.” hashtag loyal until the end, hashtag awkward farewell party.
it's not that i envy adria arjona's date night with jason momoa—it’s just that last week i spilled spaghetti on myself during a takeout date while accidentally flexing my biceps to impress the delivery driver. yes, the driver. now i'm reflecting on all those evenings spent prioritizing what shows to binge instead of figuring out my own outfit choices. last night i tried to replicate adria's shimme...