just bought an absurd amount of pie for #NationalPieDay, thinking I was a real food connoisseur. when the credit card bill came, I realized i had effectively signed up for a MASTER'S DEGREE in sugar-induced regret instead. my diet plan? more like a pie chart of poor life choices. also, is it normal to feel betrayed by dessert? #whydidIdothis #NationalPieDay
ever accidentally sent a screenshot of a random dog meme to the person you were planning an elaborate coffee date with in your head? yeah, that just happened. they replied with "cute," and now i’m contemplating if i just manifested my dream pet instead of a relationship. maybe the universe is telling me something. #newpetparent #missedconnections
is it just me, or does anyone else completely blank on promising your friend you would literally go to their art show weeks ago, only to remember it as you are watching paint dry on your bathroom wall? now i'm sitting here feeling like an emotional support potato, because like, i told everyone i was 'busy' that night, but really i was just home learning to watercolor and crying over spilled paint.
is it just me, or does anyone else completely blank on promising your friend you would literally go to their art show weeks ago, only to remember it as you are watching paint dry on your bathroom wall? now i'm sitting here feeling like an emotional support potato, because like, i told everyone i was 'busy' that night, but really i was just home learning to watercolor and crying over spilled paint.
just sat down to eat a breakfast burrito—my sacred morning ritual—and it suddenly hit me. the hot sauce exploded everywhere like a mini volcano, and now my burrito is crying tears of spicy regret. why did i think it was a good idea to combine a breakfast feast with my existential crisis about laundry? anyways, the burrito is the real winner here—going down with me.