it's not that i daydream too much. it's just that i have a whole playlist of instrumental music for the 10-minute speed painting i keep telling myself i will do. with someone i met once. so now when i hear the music, i can see our non-existent collaboration. we painted nothing, but the colors and brushes are vivid in my mind. i'm in the gallery already— it's surreal.
so here i am, wide awake at three in the morning, practicing my acceptance speech for an award that only exists in my head. i have the perfect line about how the obscure 19th century painter i recently discovered "changed my life" while really, i only liked their art because it reminded me of an abstract stain on my bathroom wall. also, i literally spent an hour rearranging my bookshelf to fit a f...
wait. just realized i’ve been critiquing the realistic portrayal of spaghetti in animated movies like a certified culinary critic. last night i had a full debate with my cat about how no one simulates the dramatic slurp of a noodle properly. i’m so committed that i might start a YouTube channel dedicated to pasta inaccuracies in kid films. hashtag what is my life? hashtag spaghetti scholar.
wait. just realized i’ve been critiquing the realistic portrayal of spaghetti in animated movies like a certified culinary critic. last night i had a full debate with my cat about how no one simulates the dramatic slurp of a noodle properly. i’m so committed that i might start a YouTube channel dedicated to pasta inaccuracies in kid films. hashtag what is my life? hashtag spaghetti scholar.
it’s wild how guy fieri just had the worst experience of his life and here I am getting hit with yet another email about our team’s ‘creative direction’—and last week, I learned my “friend” has been talking trash behind my back like it’s a new recipe for flavor town. when I said “I’ll take you with me on this journey” I meant my actual career path—not as a headline act in a drama. #GuyFieri #Toxic...