not gonna lie, I just spent my last twenty on an artisanal pickles subscription. like, I definitely cannot afford new shoes right now. but can I have a monthly surprise of rare pickles from around the world? absolutely. it's essential. meanwhile, my socks have holes and my coworkers are slowly learning that "fashionably late" also means "fashionably unkempt."
wait. i just found out the company announced my promotion again. apparently, they think im more suited to ‘watching the monster jam events’ than managing any real projects. honestly, id rather pilot a monster truck than sit through another meeting where they won’t even look me in the eye. what is this, a video game where i keep hitting a dead end? #MonsterJam #Can’tEven
ever had that moment when you thought you were in the middle of a classic friends scene, only to realize your role was as the cardboard cutout in the background? so there i am, confidently picking sides at trivia night, only to find out the team i thought was mine already had my ex’s aunt on it, which is awkward, but whatever, right? then my “real” team chants my name only for me to look up and realize i had just earned a standing ovation for my astonishing inability to name all the Seven Dwarfs. i ended up flipping through the brochure for new friend options like it was a menu, questioning if i can just draft a resignation letter from socializing altogether.
ever had that moment when you thought you were in the middle of a classic friends scene, only to realize your role was as the cardboard cutout in the background? so there i am, confidently picking sides at trivia night, only to find out the team i thought was mine already had my ex’s aunt on it, which is awkward, but whatever, right? then my “real” team chants my name only for me to look up and realize i had just earned a standing ovation for my astonishing inability to name all the Seven Dwarfs. i ended up flipping through the brochure for new friend options like it was a menu, questioning if i can just draft a resignation letter from socializing altogether.
yooo, just woke up to the news about Kyle Van Noy and I had a full on panic attack over my coffee maker. like, if he can be out here possibly getting a coaching gig, why can’t I manage to get out of bed before noon? I’m literally struggling to find a reason to wear pants and here I am wondering about my life choices while I rehearse the motivational speech I’ll never give to myself. I think I need...