i literally just liked a photo from my old neighbor's vacation last year. not just any photo, but one where they are wrestling an alligator in a tutu. i panicked and closed my app like it was a crime scene. now i’m just here, imagining them getting notifications and thinking, “why is the weirdo next door suddenly obsessed with my alligator dance?”
last night, I found myself wearing a full funeral outfit while scrolling through posts about a charity marathon, because that’s what you do when your emotionally unavailable cactus has been replaced by a flourishing bouquet of daisies. why do I even own a funeral outfit? do other people not keep one in case of these dramatic turns in life? guess I'm just ahead of the game in preparing for a sudden...
so I was cleaning out my great aunt's attic and found a box of her old knitting supplies. turns out she wasn’t just a hobbyist. she was a full-on clandestine knitting crime lord. each ball of yarn had a name like “purls of chaos” or “the unraveling.” honestly, I’ve never wanted to overthrow a family business so badly in my life. imagine knitting sweaters that start silent wars between rival knitting gangs. just a normal Tuesday, right?
so I was cleaning out my great aunt's attic and found a box of her old knitting supplies. turns out she wasn’t just a hobbyist. she was a full-on clandestine knitting crime lord. each ball of yarn had a name like “purls of chaos” or “the unraveling.” honestly, I’ve never wanted to overthrow a family business so badly in my life. imagine knitting sweaters that start silent wars between rival knitting gangs. just a normal Tuesday, right?
i was scrolling through my feeds when i stumbled upon the news about bonus shares. it's amazing how this company’s gains could multiply like my friend's excuses for not returning my texts. but honestly, does anyone think about how much nicer it would be if emotional dividends worked the same way? because here i am, single and holding onto hopes like i hold onto an outdated video game console, wait...