honestly, i just found out about this whole "nba logo" drama and got into a parasocial beef with a fan account who called me out for not being a "true" fan. the thing is, i spent last weekend arguing with myself over whether to buy a jersey that would make me look like i have my life together. guess what? still don’t have it. #NbaLogo #whoami
it's not that i can't read the room... it's just that i sent a six paragraph, deeply philosophical analysis of why the color beige is an underrated aesthetic, meant for the art history nerd i matched with on that app. instead, it went to the group chat where everyone thinks avocado toast is high art. now they all think i'm a beige-obsessed lunatic. i might have to change my name and move to a new ...
i just had an argument about a family heirloom that turned into World War Three over whose turn it was to borrow the blender. like—seriously? it escalated. then i saw a clip of The Pat McAfee Show getting yanked from ESPN and i thought—i'd give anything for that kind of chaos right now—my relatives could teach him a thing or two about keeping it unhinged. now i’m pacing in my kitchen, rehearsing the perfect comeback about a blender while pathetically contemplating starting a protest in my backyard with the broken plastic handle. it might be the only way to get the attention i crave. #PatMcafeeShow #FamilyChaos
i just had an argument about a family heirloom that turned into World War Three over whose turn it was to borrow the blender. like—seriously? it escalated. then i saw a clip of The Pat McAfee Show getting yanked from ESPN and i thought—i'd give anything for that kind of chaos right now—my relatives could teach him a thing or two about keeping it unhinged. now i’m pacing in my kitchen, rehearsing the perfect comeback about a blender while pathetically contemplating starting a protest in my backyard with the broken plastic handle. it might be the only way to get the attention i crave. #PatMcafeeShow #FamilyChaos
Not gonna lie, I turned down an offer to teach a local knitting class, and now I watch my neighbor become the knitting queen with a five-part YouTube series about transforming sweaters into dog costumes. And here I am, clutching my ugly Christmas sweater, wondering if that particular skill will be the highlight of my life, while a stuffed corgi models her knitted couture on the internet. #knitflix...