literally just found out my family is still all about my ex, the one who convinced me pineapple belongs on pizza. my mom asked if I was dating "someone who can appreciate me" and I was like "he appreciated fast food and my cooking." now they want me to reenact the Thanksgiving where I wore a cranberry sauce sweater while my ex said he was on the 'slow-carb diet' as if that was charming. honestly, ...
the way that my parents showed up unannounced and found me sprawled out on the floor, completely surrounded by the thirty unfinished jigsaw puzzles i forgot i owned. my mom thought it was my version of "adulting." little does she know i’m just in an obsessive fight with a thousand tiny cardboard pieces that keep avoiding the corners like my love life.
it's two a.m. and i'm scrolling through pictures of the Seahawks’ last game. that’s when i spot MY ex, smiling, next to my best friend who suddenly got their hair dyed blue. a memory comes crashing back. we once had a "nothing will break us" pact. little did i know, they were scheming their own plot twist. now i’m watching them celebrate like they’re winning a Super Bowl while i’m stuck on the sidelines with cold pizza. seriously, how did i miss this? #SeahawksNextGame #dramaticirony
it's two a.m. and i'm scrolling through pictures of the Seahawks’ last game. that’s when i spot MY ex, smiling, next to my best friend who suddenly got their hair dyed blue. a memory comes crashing back. we once had a "nothing will break us" pact. little did i know, they were scheming their own plot twist. now i’m watching them celebrate like they’re winning a Super Bowl while i’m stuck on the sidelines with cold pizza. seriously, how did i miss this? #SeahawksNextGame #dramaticirony
just read about richard sherman getting all passionate and honestly, it hit me hard. the only passion i have is for collecting overly dramatic photos of food im too anxious to eat. the last three meals in my camera roll would definitely raise questions if anyone ever saw them in court. a macaron towering on top of an uneaten salad... would they think i’m a culinary genius or just utterly lost? #Ri...