do you ever lie awake at night wondering if your cereal choices are secretly the source of all your life problems? like, how did i end up with a bowl of honey-flavored circles instead of being a daring oat bran adventurer? it's almost as if the milk holds the secrets to my self-worth, like "surprise, you chose sweetness over growth, deal with it." maybe one day i will break free from the chains of...
not gonna lie, I realized I spent so much time arguing with friends about delhi vs mumbai when I could have just asked why we never discuss how both cities serve the exact same overpriced chai in mismatched cups. last week, I spilled my drink while rehashing this with someone, and I could feel my soul leave my body. is the chai worth the drama? probably not. #DelhiVsMumbai #ExistentialChai
wait—so, I’m over that time I got locked in a bathroom at a public park, right? except I still wake up at 3 a.m. imagining how I could have escaped with my dignity intact—like, should I have used the hand dryer to signal for help? instead, I sat there for an hour, convincing myself that if I didn’t panic, maybe the raccoons would negotiate my release. I still find it ironic that the park was named after freedom.
wait—so, I’m over that time I got locked in a bathroom at a public park, right? except I still wake up at 3 a.m. imagining how I could have escaped with my dignity intact—like, should I have used the hand dryer to signal for help? instead, I sat there for an hour, convincing myself that if I didn’t panic, maybe the raccoons would negotiate my release. I still find it ironic that the park was named after freedom.
not gonna lie, when my family found my social media, I ended up explaining why I *definitely* prefer wearing tinfoil hats over buying new clothes — it all started when I read that one article about how aliens can read your thoughts through fabric, and now I just casually imply to them that my fashion choice is revolutionary, not lazy.