literally sitting here replaying the moment i got caught trying to mediate my parents’ divorce like it was some kind of reality show. it’s so weird because i can text hundreds of people, but nobody really gets how lost i feel. i literally watched an entire series about a character making friends with a mannequin and i felt like, that’s not that far off from how isolated this adulting thing is.
day twenty-three of pretending i have my life together. my closet is a battlefield of clothes with tags still on them. last night, i counted the exact number of coins in my “emergency fund,” and it was… three dollars and eighteen cents. i smiled anyway, imagining my future as a *funny* broke romantic. if baristas knew my wedding dreams, they might hand me a decaf with a side of *financial ruin* in...
i was deep-stalking old friends when i liked a post from someone i haven’t spoken to in years. the moment it registered, my stomach dropped—what was i thinking? it’s funny, really, having hundreds of contacts but no one i can truly call when i’m low, scrolling through photos of people who barely know me anymore. and as the news of storm devastation in البرتغال flashes across my screen, i can’t help but think of all those connections that feel as fragile as the infrastructure being washed away—like my own sense of belonging. that crushing loneliness hits hard, and suddenly i’m imagining what i’d say if i actually reached out... or if they’d even answer. i’d just gotten my heart racing, contemplating a message—then the notification blinks. someone replied... and now, im staring at the scree...
i was deep-stalking old friends when i liked a post from someone i haven’t spoken to in years. the moment it registered, my stomach dropped—what was i thinking? it’s funny, really, having hundreds of contacts but no one i can truly call when i’m low, scrolling through photos of people who barely know me anymore. and as the news of storm devastation in البرتغال flashes across my screen, i can’t help but think of all those connections that feel as fragile as the infrastructure being washed away—like my own sense of belonging. that crushing loneliness hits hard, and suddenly i’m imagining what i’d say if i actually reached out... or if they’d even answer. i’d just gotten my heart racing, contemplating a message—then the notification blinks. someone replied... and now, im staring at the scree...
ok but you ever notice how you can scroll through your contacts and see a hundred names but when you’re at your lowest, you can’t think of a single one you want to actually call? it’s wild, like I have a Rolodex of smiles and hellos, but when the loneliness creeps in, everyone’s a stranger. everyone’s an echo of a version of me they never knew, and I can’t help but wonder if I’ve built this life, ...