the way that evri is collapsing is like watching a slow-motion train wreck while you're just standing there, fully aware that your one delivery is the last piece of furniture you ordered to complete your living room. so there I was, finally convincing myself to invite friends over, only to realize my table was stuck in "out for delivery." the awkward conversation about why we were all sitting on t...
it’s not that i can’t stand family gatherings. it’s just that i’m so tired of playing a game i didn’t sign up for. cousins discussing promotions while i drown in imposter syndrome. my parents never seem to see my struggles, only my perceived failures. caught myself daydreaming about the next disney plus release during the interrogation. their smiles fade when i mention my latest side project. stil...
it's not that i want to be the favorite sibling, it's just that my brother literally stole the spotlight. i swear, one time at a family gathering, he told a story about saving a puppy, and i couldn't even top it with the time i “accidentally” set off the smoke alarm while making toast. like, who do they think is the talented one here? i’m over here mastering the art of using the bathroom to practice my Oscar speech because the family gets really quiet whenever i try to say something. honestly, at this point, i should just hire him as my personal hype man, so at least someone is getting applause for my epic fails.
it's not that i want to be the favorite sibling, it's just that my brother literally stole the spotlight. i swear, one time at a family gathering, he told a story about saving a puppy, and i couldn't even top it with the time i “accidentally” set off the smoke alarm while making toast. like, who do they think is the talented one here? i’m over here mastering the art of using the bathroom to practice my Oscar speech because the family gets really quiet whenever i try to say something. honestly, at this point, i should just hire him as my personal hype man, so at least someone is getting applause for my epic fails.
last night, I decided to splurge on what I thought was a mystical self-care ritual. turns out, it was just an overpriced candle that smells like burnt dreams and broken promises. when the credit card bill arrived, I thought, should I manifest a relationship with my bank account or just set it on fire and call it a night? #JohnHarbaugh #DelusionalRomantics