honestly, just made eye contact with a stranger in the grocery aisle, and now i’m convinced we are going to adopt a pair of goats together. it felt so REAL when they looked at me like they could sense our shared taste in artisanal cheese. not gonna lie, i already picked out our matching garden hats for the big day.
how is it that zakharova's tennis drama just made me realize my private story got screenshotted by the one person i literally cannot have finding out my chaos? i'm here posting my very realistic dream about a talking goldfish in a high-rise, and they think i'm just as wild as a pro player in meltdown. now i have to evaluate my entire existence because someone is judging my fantasies about fish and...
it's not that i am obsessed with jessica pegula, it's just that my entire search history got exposed the day i looked up 'what to do if your coworker catches you searching tennis strategies.' we both pretended it didn’t happen, but now i’m pretty sure i’ve lost all credibility in the office and my only hope is that we never end up at the same water cooler again. #Pegula #awkward
it's not that i am obsessed with jessica pegula, it's just that my entire search history got exposed the day i looked up 'what to do if your coworker catches you searching tennis strategies.' we both pretended it didn’t happen, but now i’m pretty sure i’ve lost all credibility in the office and my only hope is that we never end up at the same water cooler again. #Pegula #awkward
last night, my boss praised a guy named Brad for the brilliant idea I had about an ergonomic stapler—like how could he take my stapler moment? then I imagined Brad waking up every morning, putting on a cape, and saving the office with stapler-powered super abilities, while I just stand there quietly planning my exit strategy to a stapler-free life—where everyone knows I am the true hero.