do you ever feel like the world thinks you are living some fabulous life, but inside you are just praying that the second-hand chair in your living room doesn’t collapse under you? i smile and say, “yes, everything is fine,” while i juggle bills like a poorly trained clown at a kid’s birthday party. honestly, if anyone opens my pantry, they would discover the mystery of why my neighbor’s cat keeps...
yooo, so I may or may not have practiced my reaction for when I finally get that call telling me I won a cheese sculpting competition I didn’t even enter. I stood in front of my mirror—full-on acceptance speech vibes—thanking my imaginary supporters while holding a block of cheddar like it was an Oscar. —And just to make it awkwardly authentic, I tripped over my cat and ended up face-first in the ...
literally every weekend, i plan elaborate dinners for my imaginary guests. like, i can tell you exactly what we would eat, the jokes we would share, and the chaotic way someone always spills wine. honestly, my kitchen has seen more drama than any relationship i’ve had. meanwhile, in real life, the only one at the table is me, listening to the crickets outside while eating leftovers.
literally every weekend, i plan elaborate dinners for my imaginary guests. like, i can tell you exactly what we would eat, the jokes we would share, and the chaotic way someone always spills wine. honestly, my kitchen has seen more drama than any relationship i’ve had. meanwhile, in real life, the only one at the table is me, listening to the crickets outside while eating leftovers.
i used to think learning the guitar would make me cooler. now, every time i strum a chord, i remember my cousin getting a record deal last week. my family barely acknowledged my three-month effort. instead, they talk about how i should be more like him. honestly, i don’t even want to play anymore. i just want to stop feeling like the underachiever in every gathering. #KaraSwisher #familypressure