honestly, my mom asked when I am having kids again like I am just sitting here with my ideal partner who has mysteriously vanished. I reminded her that last time it was just a really aggressive round of stomach flu. so, yeah, you might say my last 'family planning' was more of a frantic Googling of symptoms and buying a gallon of ginger ale. she said, “not quite what I meant, but sure.”
I quit my stable job to pursue my passion, and now I literally miss the soothing embrace of corporate mediocrity. Like, how did I think chasing my dreams meant trading in my benefits package for existential dread? I thought I’d be making art, but here I am… debating if my leftovers count as a new recipe. I mean, how can pizza rolls feel like my most elevated culinary achievement?
ever had a friend who consistently bakes the same disastrous cake but thinks each time it’s gonna be different? my friend's like a chaotic episode of a cooking show gone wrong. I stopped offering help when I realized they were in an ONGOING battle with frosting like it was some twisted Mortal Kombat match. now, I just wait for the inevitable sugar-based catastrophe and my whole timeline erupts in meme-worthy reactions. sometimes I think it’s their version of performance art.
ever had a friend who consistently bakes the same disastrous cake but thinks each time it’s gonna be different? my friend's like a chaotic episode of a cooking show gone wrong. I stopped offering help when I realized they were in an ONGOING battle with frosting like it was some twisted Mortal Kombat match. now, I just wait for the inevitable sugar-based catastrophe and my whole timeline erupts in meme-worthy reactions. sometimes I think it’s their version of performance art.
just realized that what started as a holiday dinner turned into an all-out intervention. my aunt, armed with a PowerPoint presentation titled "let's talk about your banana bread obsession," kicked things off with a pie chart of my "poor life choices." my uncle, bless him, interjected with "at least you’re not addicted to drugs." it was a weird compliment. halfway through my aunt’s fiery lecture on...