not gonna lie, i made eye contact with a stranger in the produce aisle and now i’m convinced we’re destined for a GRAND WEDDING in a vineyard. i have our first dance playlist ready, but the most important part is that our venue will definitely have outdoor lighting shaped like stars. the only issue? they have no idea i exist, and we both just stared at a watermelon for three awkward minutes.
honestly, my laundry just got into a dramatic feud with my toaster. like, I swear I heard my socks yelling, “we're not dry yet” while the toast popped out like it was just given a trophy. now I’m trying to get them to cooperate before I get banned from my own apartment for violating laundry code—something about fluffiness and the authority of the toaster. so, wish me luck because we might have a h...
so my boss asked me to mentor the new intern who has a four point zero GPA. i told them about my great ideas for career growth, which included manifesting their future success and developing a series of motivational dance moves. i just got an email asking for my presentation on that very topic next week. here i am, a total fraud with a dance routine nobody asked for. #mentorfail #lifeinshambles
so my boss asked me to mentor the new intern who has a four point zero GPA. i told them about my great ideas for career growth, which included manifesting their future success and developing a series of motivational dance moves. i just got an email asking for my presentation on that very topic next week. here i am, a total fraud with a dance routine nobody asked for. #mentorfail #lifeinshambles
the way that i just sent a risky text to my long-lost cousin asking about our family tree like it’s a hot gossip column, and now i’m glued to my phone, watching those three dots like a hawk. my heart is racing. did i just casually ask if we're related to a famous inventor, or am i fishing for family reunion drama? i can see my fate hanging in the balance and all i can think is, if they leave me on...